The Truth Does Hurt but Sometimes It's Just What the Doctor Ordered

It's been a long couple of days...we'll start at the beginning.

Monday: I normally will have a rest day on Mondays after my long workouts. However, I knew I would not be able to walk on Tuesday as I would be going to the doctor. So, with tired muscles, I set out for an easy walk, just to keep going but not to hurt myself. I walked 1 1/2 miles at a nice easy pace finishing in about 30 minutes.

Now the doctor I was seeing on Tuesday was my Endocrinologist (for PCOS). She is a great doctor. She listens, advises and when I need it, she gives me a good "talkin' to" sparing no feelings just getting straight to the point. That being said, I frequently get "the fat talk", at least that's how I refer to it. Now, as I just said she gives it to me straight when I need to hear it and for the last couple of years I have needed it.

I was concerned, as usual, about the appointment because I'm never sure where my blood sugar level will be. The highest it has ever been is 109. Not good. And, depending on who you talk to, it falls in the pre-diabetic range. So, as I usually do right before the visit, I panicked and decided that I needed to refrain from eating any sugar. Well.............that didn't last long. I had a snack cake in the afternoon and then a large serving of fries with dinner.

Well there I was Monday night left to wonder how things would turn out and then I decided that it was a good thing. You see, instead of getting a possible false result, I would get the truth, bad though it may be.


Tuesday: No walking today. I got right up, hit the showers, got ready and headed straight to the Doc. There was no way I was going to try to take a walk on an empty stomach knowing that I wouldn't be able to eat anything until 11:30 at the earliest.

Once back in the room the nurse did the usual check: any new meds, need any refills, check BP, etc. Then it was time. Out came the meter and the mean little finger prick thing. Why does that always hurt worse than when they actually stick the big needle in to draw blood? Anyway, the meter read 103. Not horrible but not good either. A little relief washed over me, it was not the 115-120 I was anticipating, thank goodness. So I did get a brief reprieve.

Well, the Dr came in and we began the usual talk. "What's new?" "I'm exercising." "Great! What are you doing?" Blah, blah, blah. That part was easy...then came the food/weight issues. I didn't get "the fat talk" but, we did talk very candidly about what the issue really is, quantity. I eat a lot. I know this. I even know this so well that a week or two ago I made my husband buy some new, smaller plates. I figured if I had a smaller plate then I would by default reduce my calorie intake. It all came down to this, I have to go to a dietitian and add the other piece to the puzzle so I can see some success. Apparently at my size, currently a size (Oh how I hate to admit this!) 24, it can't just be about exercise. I have to get my weight down. This will of course benefit my overall health and make it easier to exercise, a positive cycle for a change. She tells me that it will also be reinforcing in that I will see a physical result to the work that I am putting in. I have to agree.


Wednesday: They were calling for rain this morning and I had my husband on the lookout for it. I woke at 6:03, just before he came back to wake me. It was not raining then. By the time I rolled out of bed (6:15! I have got to start this process about 15 minutes earlier.), got ready and went out the door, it was raining. Disappointing. I came back inside and my husband had a great idea, get on the Wii Fit for a while. Ok, I have an alternative. I had breakfast first, tummy was roaring. Then I got out the Wii Fit. Now I admit, I hadn't used it in quite sometime but I thought that the rechargeable battery pack had been hooked up to the computer and would have some sort of charge. Wrong! They were dead, dead, dead. Then I remembered we just bought some AA batteries. It took me 15 minutes to find them and everything else that I needed. I thought about giving up. Just scrap the day and start fresh again tomorrow, it was all I could think of.

Then something amazing happened. A little thought crept into the back of my mind, like a little voice getting louder and louder, a phenomenon I have rarely experienced. It went something like this: "You lazy, fat girl! Are you going to let a little bad weather and lack of preparation get in the way? Why have you been getting up so early? Why have you been so determined only to stop now? Just do what you can with the time you have left! Anything is better than nothing!" So, I was able to get in 15 minutes on the Wii. Another small victory.

Tomorrow: I will be back up bright and early and, weather permitting, will be walking 2 miles. Or, weather not permitting, I will be on the Wii for at least 30 maybe 45 minutes.

You see, I really believe that I have found a new resolve. I have what every expert says you need, a short term, achievable goal (10K) and a long term goal (true health). You better believe that I am going to continue to fight myself every step of the way and I hope that soon it will not be a fight.

As I close this tonight I am watching Julie and Julia, a delightful movie and I have to say, part of my inspiration to start blogging. I gives me hope that someday I will have someone reading what I am writing. Someone that I hope can gain some inspiration or perhaps learn a lesson from my triumphs and mistakes.

Just dreams now, hopefully one day reality. So, where ever you are, make up your mind to do something, take on that mountain that you have wanted to climb (figuratively or literally). Stick to it and no matter what...

Don't Pity the Fat Girl.